Beam me up, Captain America

Chris Evans in tights YET again! Bigger than ever before - what a gift to the big screen. Okay, both of the movies were really good; actually they were BRILLIANT. I watched the Avengers with a friend a couple of weeks ago and it was hilarious. The scene with the Hulk flinging Loki around was great, I got the giggles for ages - I still laugh every time I think about it.

I also watched Captain America the other day, although I probably should have watched them the other way around. I actually got pretty emotional towards the end (SPOILER ALERT) and I even cried when he's flying the plane into the ground; and yet AGAIN at the end. "I had a date." DEAR GOD, I just wailed - it was ridiculous. I'm pretty sure my neighbour thinks I'm a complete freak. Just an FYI, I never cry - except in the Lion King; but honestly,if you don't cry when Mufasa dies? You have no soul.

After the two movies, I was still in Chris-Evans-fever mode and also bored. What does one do when bored? Why one goes onto sites such as Youtube, of course! Well, then I howled for a different reason altogether - in one interview Chris Evans and Hemsworth are waiting for it to start while this woman is giving her little intro speech; and what does she say to get them started?

"Hi, I'm Carly Steel for Epix news and it's a battle of the biceps as Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth reprise their roles as Captain America and Thor in The Avengers. Has there been anything you would like to avenge in your real life?
Evans: I got dumped at my senior prom." 

Um, I'm sorry what? Before we get into the fact that whoever broke up with Chris Evans probably regrets that decision just a tad; can we go back that neat little phrase. Battle of the biceps? Really? Please do yourselves a favour and watch the expression on their faces when she says it, Hemsworth literally facepalms:

It was great though, they did a great job in pairing those two together, they're both funny and they have a good dynamic going on. Even when it came out that Hemsworth had been on Australia's Dancing with the Stars (and didn't that just set off the howls of laughter again - my neighbour might not be living next to me anymore), Evans was just like, "Actually that wasn't too bad." Far too nice, that blue satin shirt alone is enough ammo for AT LEAST a good few months.

What a great bunch of people those Avengers actors are; that must have been an awesome film to work on. I'm not just saying that because of the aforementioned biceps either - although those make things quite nice and easy on the eye. I do prefer Chris Evans in Fantastic Four though; the rangier build and short, dark hair suit him better. So basically the looks of Fantastic Four, but still as Captain America. Yes, I KNOW it wouldn't work, but it's MY dream - bugger off. Chris Evans, if by some slim chance you read this, don't hate to much on this glorious author's ridiculous ramblings - you've got the muscle, prepare to be ogled. Ah yes, sexism at its most hypocritical - love it! And on that note, I give you Chris Evans' soft side; one that loves jelly beans and the Goonies. Oh, and did you know he's a Buddhist? Interesting...

I try really hard to be cool. Emphasis on the 'try'

Okay, so along with the hipster influence virus (yes, I do realise that spells HIV - how naughty of me) going around these days, I'm feeling way too much pressure. Peer pressure - the social STD. All the faux *cough lenseless* ray bans, the expensive, strategically torn jeans and the too large tank tops showing off that little hint of bra. Okay, I'm sounding spiteful, that's just my jealousy talking - all I wanna do is be one of the cool kids.

I'm not fashionable though - at best I'm a copy-cat. I like to think it's because I'm too much of an Everyman. Quick aside: If you don't know to what I'm referring when I say 'Everyman', go get some culture you heathen beast. <---see peer pressure, I just gotcha!

Getting back on track though. I feel like I have to try hard to be cool. And random. It honestly doesn't come naturally - I bet you didn't know that one. Being completely random in an ironic yet funny way is really hard, and I do try, but it's just sooooo much work damnit. The self-deprecating though, now that's a big ball of fun.

See...Even in this blog post, all I've done is be random about being random to get your attention and make you like me. Dear God please like me. You know all I want is your approval. And a couple hundred Facebook likes. And money. Actually, just money - you can just give me lots of money.

I was going to go about the attention-seeking another way though. I used to daydream about being an actress. I even took Drama to Matric. Then I realised how much effort it takes to be a 'Thespian' rather than merely just an uncultured fool in tights on a stage. I got over the effort. Definitely did not get over being the centre (okay FINE, slightly off-off centre) of attention.

I also got over the admin of sticking - and excelling in - one sport or hobby. In my long illustrious life, I have participated in no less than 50. This includes (but is not restricted to) hockey, diving, gymnastics, ballet, tapdancing, kickboxing, athletics, chess (dear GOD I was bad at that) art (now THAT I kick ass at) and many many more.

These days, I just give in and realise that my talents lie elsewhere. Namely watching my flavour-of-the-week series, eat constantly student-style (i.e. lots of fat, carbs and general crap), pick up some uni work, put it down again, and finally after a long internal debate ending in a resounding "Screw it" - order Nandos.

So basically I've just wasted 10 minutes (depending on your reading speed - you should really work on that) of your life that you will NEVER get back telling you that I'm uncool, unmotivated, uncomplicated, undedicated (I just made that a word, shut up) and lazy. Whatta day for revelations. You must be so proud Mom.

Love and peace my oh-so-(sometimes)-faithful peeps.
Comment on this post or die. I've been watching horrors this month so I have new torture techniques!
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Today This Girl Dies of So-Called Friends and Pirateerism

Strap on your peglegs matey, we got ourselves an epidemic on our hands! Yes, another one - and this one is nothing like anything that I've ever seen in my many years of seeing many things. If you just sit around and wait for it - it'll get you. If you try hiding in your room or some other magical wonderful place - it'll find you. If you try running away like Neve Campbell, or any other tragic herione in horror movies that ALWAYS trip on something (it's a completely seamless floor for crying out loud, how could you POSSIBLY trip?!?!?!?!?) it will, inevitibly, catch up to you. Even if you have tiger blood and are bi-winning... Anytime, anywhere - you WHILL be affected. Or infected. My brain has been addled (I know this because I am spouting things like 'addled'), so I can't remember which .

One day you will be sitting at lunch/in your room/in front of a gumball machine. A friend - a lovely, wonderful, beautiful, generous soul - who previously would not touch a fly for fear of damaging it's precious delicate wings - will come aong. This friend will then be bitten by the KILLJOY fiend. Hold your heads and duck for cover comrades, for nothing will stop this rampaging beast once it is set in motion. Try saying you want to miss a lecture/want to watch just ONE MORE EPISODE OF GLEE I SWEAR/I want a gumball, pay me now and then you look around and oh look at that there goes your head rolling down the table/desk/around and round and round and round in the gumballmachinetilyougetreallyreallyreallydizzyandithinkimightjustwanttogobuyaponyandgetoffthisrideahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Yes, I'm afraid this is a true story. Go look in Genesis. It happened to Adam too. And the Big Man in the sky. They both got bitten. All Eve wanted was to let a little loose eat a little junk food, and then the men come along and BOOM! Banishment and clothes for you! This is a major problem and I just don't understand. Men, you got us into clothes - so why do you always try to get us out of them again? I've come to a conclusion about the whole getting-kicked-out-of-Eden thing and Men? IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT! HA!!!

Anyway - killjoy bug. See now when this bug bites it turns afformentioned beautiful, generous, loving soul into ahhhiwillkillyouandeatyourfaceoffrighthereandnowmonster!!! otherwise know as The So-Called Friend. These creatures will try to persuade you to go your lectures! They will stop you from watching a whole season of your favourite show until three in the morning!! And, I'm sorry, young children will have to be removed from the premises for fear of internally-combusting just at the thought; they will try to make you go to the LIBRARY and do some WORK!!! Do not give in!!!! Procrastinate as long as possible!!! Or better yet, throw another comrade (preferably one who is even more of a slacker than you) out to the beast. It will distract it while you locate the appropriate authorities in your area, who will promptly assist you in any way posible. This is a serious matter after all.

On another note, Claire has lost her ring. It walked off in a huff about 3 hours ago and has yet to return. She was only trying to tell it that it was lookinga bit tarnished, and it said that how dare she imply that it is anything less than pure-blooded silver, and then Claire said that it was just rehashing old fights. But that just incensed it even more and basically things were said. Next thing you know they were dancing around the ring, sleeves scrunched back, showing each other what's what. Or something like that.

Please do tell if you see it anywhere.

So, onto other marvelous things, my eye has jumped ship. Apparently, it is an early onset of pirateerism and that many shocking symptoms are sure to follow. Next, the leg just FOOMP! pops off below the knee. Not to worry though, a little twig is sure to follow, and soon your wooden leg will be stable, sturdy and ready to use! I asked about the hook, and it's a No-Deal; it's copy-righted. I'm to expect a lump on my shoulder though - the feathers and beak grow in soon after that and then AWWWRKK! You got yurself a parrot thar matey! Here is a wonderfully gruesome picture of my eye for all and sundry to see!

I asked about missing teeth too, but my doctor says that it's just a silly myth an I was so relieved. I mean the rest is alright but missing teeth? I don't think so.

At least with my pegleg I get swagger. Can't be a pirate without swagger.

Today This Girl dies of Friday Poisoning and Boiled Goose

This is the D-Day stage my friends. University is never going to be as easy as some people make it out to be. And if it is - that's because they're not going to lectures, so they don't know what the load of work is like and SMACK! the exams hit them six-love. That's not to say they won't hit the rest of us for six, but I like to think we have a good chunk of wood strapped to our faces for when they do. Kinda like those kids in the old-school boarding days who put books or something in the sit of their pants so that the caning wouldn't hurt as much.

Gone are the days when lectures hall were full. Or even half full. And the bright-eyed and bushy-tailed keen beans from the beginning of the term scare you with faces straight from Grudge. To steal a phrase - most lovingly used here - shit went down. Although, to be fair, laziness is not the only reason for poor attendance. When you’re learning more from your weekly tutorials than in your lectures – you know something’s not quite right. I understand that we’re all adults now (ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!) and that we’re supposed to be doing a lot of the work ourselves, but if I’m (ok fine, my parents) not paying them to teach me anything – then WHAT ARE THEY GETTING PAID FOR!!! We have a tutorial once a week for each subject, and our tutors are 2^nd, 3rd or 4^th year students, HOW am I learning more than in lectures which occur 4 times more during the week and are ‘taught’ by professionals?

Chinese is the exception though, I can actually have a fully-fledged conversation about the time and the weather. Yay, I can now participate in awkward small talk in Mandarin as well as English!    

Rebecca Black. Gave you cold shivers didn’t it.

Well, where to start – the lyrics were indescribable (in a very, very bad way), the casting for the video was atrocious (my word for the weekend – try use it as often as possible), the choreography and general layout of the video was...well there are lots of synonyms for ‘really, really, REALLY bad’ – let’s just apply that to the whole thing shall we. And as for the singing – use auto-tune much? Here’s a snippet of the lyrics – just don’t looks directly at them – eyeballs have been known to shrivel up and fall out.

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today

Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after...wards
I don’t want this weekend to end

Yes, someone actually sat down to write these lyrics. Obviously they spent all the money on making the video and there was none left to hire a good lyricist.

Lastly - on a happier note – The Lonely Island have released a new single. Some may not be as excited about this though and say they’re as bad as Rebecca Black (BLASPHEMY!!!), but I LOVE them. There are just some things that are hard to express – things that no-one can put into words (mom, close your eyes). Presenting - I Just Had Sex by The Lonely Island:

These guys are legit. They're too legit. They're too legit to quit. Who else has succesfully gotten Jessica Alba, Blake Lively, Akon and John McEnroe all in the same music video? Not to mention singing with celebs such as Justin Timberlake, Natalie Portman, T-Pain, Adam Levine, Rihanna, Seth Rogan, Will Farrell and many more... Click on the following magical highlighted words to watch more: The Creep with Nicki Minaj and Boombox with Julian Casablancas, frontman of The Strokes. Now that's what I call winning.

Today This Girl dies of Tiger Blood #charliesheen Overdose

bfawefbarkvg aerghaeja aerghaoe;rg. That was my first thought upon watching this video. Even when I was eventually able to gather up the little pieces of my wits, I couldn't decide whether to think Charlie Sheen is a complete neanderthal - or an absolute genius. But Charlie Sheen doesn't care about what I think, apparently. But isn't that what everyone's aiming for? Not the drugs and prostitutes (you could argue on that point, but that's not where I'm going for this one) - but the complete apathetic attitude. I, being a hopeless people-pleaser, would LOVE to have the I Just Don't Care What You Think attitude. I wouldn't want to be absolutely drenched in it though. What an asshole.

I could give you all the facts about when he was arrested, why, what he was doing with all the drugs and pornstars, but really, all the newspapers and gossip rags have been running that one to death. I'm more interested in the whole conversation in this video. You can tell, as soon as the first word leaves her mouth that the reporter, Andrea Canning has her verdict signed, sealed, delivered and although I really don't agree with the casualness with which Charlie Sheen talks about drugs, it's pretty amusing to watch him knock her for six with every question he answered. Especially when he asked her what bipolar even means and you realise that she actually didn't know what it is. She did regroup and give a semi-correct answer, but it shows how people these days latch onto a 'catch-word' and throw it around without thinking about what it actually means...

I then decided to watch a few more videos, and I now stand corrected - the video above is a highly edited version of a much longer interview and the interviewer seems to be making a concentrated effort to understand what Charlie Sheen is going through, but it soon becomes apparent that  he would try the patience of a whole host of saints and you have to admire te good humour of Andrea Canning as she even laughs at one of his many innappropriate jokes (I couldn't help it, I laughed at them all).

Charlie Sheen is definitely of a different breed altogether and despite (in spite of? because of?) all the outragous comments, weird behaviour and jarring straightford baldness I'm completely fascinated by this man. Maybe all the bull that surrounds a majority of the public figures today makes it easier for everyone to revel in refreshing honesty even while feeling a vague sense of outrage and offense - and explains why Charlie Sheen managed to obtain an astounding 1 000 000 000  followers in  a mere 24 hours - the fastest in Twitter history. Whatever the reason for the fascination that follows Charlie Sheen, it's obvious that 'tiger blood' and 'winning'  are going to be around for a while.

Some 'winnng' quotes from the video:

In response to people thinking he's bipolar:
"Wow, then what's the cure - medicine? Make me just like them? Not gnna happen.

"How do you survive that?"
"Because I'm me...I got tiger bood"

When asked f he's afraid he's going to overdose/die:
"Dying's for fools."

"Are you worried you're going to relapse?"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because I'm not going to - period, the end."
"But how do you know?"
"I blinked and I cured my brain...Can't is the cancer of happen"

"The Nike slogan doesn't say 'Just try it'...Just do it man"

Next Big Brand: Bi-winning tiger blood - the food of champions.