Today This Girl Dies of So-Called Friends and Pirateerism

Strap on your peglegs matey, we got ourselves an epidemic on our hands! Yes, another one - and this one is nothing like anything that I've ever seen in my many years of seeing many things. If you just sit around and wait for it - it'll get you. If you try hiding in your room or some other magical wonderful place - it'll find you. If you try running away like Neve Campbell, or any other tragic herione in horror movies that ALWAYS trip on something (it's a completely seamless floor for crying out loud, how could you POSSIBLY trip?!?!?!?!?) it will, inevitibly, catch up to you. Even if you have tiger blood and are bi-winning... Anytime, anywhere - you WHILL be affected. Or infected. My brain has been addled (I know this because I am spouting things like 'addled'), so I can't remember which .

One day you will be sitting at lunch/in your room/in front of a gumball machine. A friend - a lovely, wonderful, beautiful, generous soul - who previously would not touch a fly for fear of damaging it's precious delicate wings - will come aong. This friend will then be bitten by the KILLJOY fiend. Hold your heads and duck for cover comrades, for nothing will stop this rampaging beast once it is set in motion. Try saying you want to miss a lecture/want to watch just ONE MORE EPISODE OF GLEE I SWEAR/I want a gumball, pay me now and then you look around and oh look at that there goes your head rolling down the table/desk/around and round and round and round in the gumballmachinetilyougetreallyreallyreallydizzyandithinkimightjustwanttogobuyaponyandgetoffthisrideahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Yes, I'm afraid this is a true story. Go look in Genesis. It happened to Adam too. And the Big Man in the sky. They both got bitten. All Eve wanted was to let a little loose eat a little junk food, and then the men come along and BOOM! Banishment and clothes for you! This is a major problem and I just don't understand. Men, you got us into clothes - so why do you always try to get us out of them again? I've come to a conclusion about the whole getting-kicked-out-of-Eden thing and Men? IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT! HA!!!

Anyway - killjoy bug. See now when this bug bites it turns afformentioned beautiful, generous, loving soul into ahhhiwillkillyouandeatyourfaceoffrighthereandnowmonster!!! otherwise know as The So-Called Friend. These creatures will try to persuade you to go your lectures! They will stop you from watching a whole season of your favourite show until three in the morning!! And, I'm sorry, young children will have to be removed from the premises for fear of internally-combusting just at the thought; they will try to make you go to the LIBRARY and do some WORK!!! Do not give in!!!! Procrastinate as long as possible!!! Or better yet, throw another comrade (preferably one who is even more of a slacker than you) out to the beast. It will distract it while you locate the appropriate authorities in your area, who will promptly assist you in any way posible. This is a serious matter after all.

On another note, Claire has lost her ring. It walked off in a huff about 3 hours ago and has yet to return. She was only trying to tell it that it was lookinga bit tarnished, and it said that how dare she imply that it is anything less than pure-blooded silver, and then Claire said that it was just rehashing old fights. But that just incensed it even more and basically things were said. Next thing you know they were dancing around the ring, sleeves scrunched back, showing each other what's what. Or something like that.

Please do tell if you see it anywhere.

So, onto other marvelous things, my eye has jumped ship. Apparently, it is an early onset of pirateerism and that many shocking symptoms are sure to follow. Next, the leg just FOOMP! pops off below the knee. Not to worry though, a little twig is sure to follow, and soon your wooden leg will be stable, sturdy and ready to use! I asked about the hook, and it's a No-Deal; it's copy-righted. I'm to expect a lump on my shoulder though - the feathers and beak grow in soon after that and then AWWWRKK! You got yurself a parrot thar matey! Here is a wonderfully gruesome picture of my eye for all and sundry to see!

I asked about missing teeth too, but my doctor says that it's just a silly myth an I was so relieved. I mean the rest is alright but missing teeth? I don't think so.

At least with my pegleg I get swagger. Can't be a pirate without swagger.

Today This Girl dies getting Lost in Translation

What is wrong with people and communicating these days? No-one talks anymore, it's all BBM and Facebook and Twitter and mxit and emails (although Twitter's saving grace is its 140 character limit); even just the thought of talking to someone over the phone brings me out in a cold sweat. Sometimes, just to make an appointment I have to sit for 10 minutes beforehand just to figure out what I'm going to say just so I don't sound like a total dumbass. Even when people talk on Facebook, most of the time it's limited to the, 'Howdy Partner! How'd you like to be neighbours? Come and join me in Farmville where you can grow delicious fruits and vegetables on your very own farm!' notification, and apart from the disgustingly chipper tone that sounds nothing like how your friend would normally speak and awfully a lot like a cult recruiting agency, there's just something not quite right about spending 5 hours planting virtual corn to make non-existent money. And can someone please enlighten me as to what is so appealing about being buzzed every 5 seconds on BBM just so someone you hardly ever talk to can say 'Hi! <insert weird yellow smiley face with tongue sticking out>'? Blackberry's are overrated, I want my IPhone back.


Well, that concludes my rant of the day, bought to you by FMyLife... Thank you for being such a good audience. Oh wait, there's more (of me talking – not more ranting):


On another, happier note, Thursday marked the signing up of societies at my university – my intention was to join one besides the Chinese society (to which Chinese students are automatically registered) and I went there with a happy (slightly bored) heart. I'm now the proud participant of 5 societies. The sports sign-up is on Saturday, I may need to be restrained. Honestly though, some of these societies had CUPCAKES!!! I ask you, how can anyone resist a good cupcake – the one they gave me for signing up to the Anime Society even had my very own pink little 'K' smooshed onto a slightly disturbing blue iced topping – but that's just the magic of cupcakes. My friend Claire actually got a plant. No, not the plastic showy ones that people put in their offices to look 'pro-Earth-chic', an actual little plant – with weird stubby little leaves – I can't remember what it's called though, I'll have to ask later. As we've introduced a new character into this fascinating little story, I'll pause for a moment to do a little character profile... Claire came into our res a little later than the rest of us, and you know how that goes a lot of the time – people (especially girls) tend to be pack animals, once they've found their allies there's no going back and that's pretty much what happened. It was almost as if we all had the mentality that because it felt as if we'd all known each for years, Claire was suddenly 'the new girl', even me I'm a little ashamed to say. I remember the one day in the common room when we were practicing our serenades (a story for another time), looking at her as she came a kinda lost look on her face and thinking – I know how that feels – and it was really intense because I really do. That feeling of missing something completely for the simple reason that you came in at the wrong time. Even then though, I still didn't go up to her – really bad, I know, but we eventually got talking and I'm really glad we did because before that I'd been feeling a little lost myself.
Enough of the maudlin now, I have no money til next month... That's still maudlin you say? Not really, I have accommodation and food every day, and as for alcohol – well judging from last night's escapade, I don't have to worry about that for quite some time. Turns out a Zappa shot can go a long way. Ni yào kāfēi ma? Your Chinese sentence of the day and a partial study for as I have a Chinese dictation on Monday, wish me luck! As it is, life's pretty good so far, and because I'm feeling so generous, here's an extra-long Easy A quote to make up for todays somewhat boring postJ
Olive Penderghast: If he's so smart, why is your boyfriend 22 years old and still in high school?
Marianne: Because, Olive, it's His choice!
Olive Penderghast: Oh, really? His choice? He just *wants* to be repeating his senior year for, like, the fourth time 'cause he can't pass a single test?
Marianne: No, silly,
[points up]
Marianne: His. His, with a capital H. If the Good Lord had wanted Micah to graduate, he would have given him the right answers.