My Obituary

Okay, so before I just post my obituary all willynilly, I suppose I should explain. Especially seeing as I'm still alive. I hope. Touch wood.

Anyway, for a journalism assignment we had to write an obituary for our partner, and as weird as this may be, I really liked mine. So, without further ado, my obituary dear readers!

Second Year B Journ student at Rhodes University, Kelly, died this week at the age of 21.With her lower lip piercing, genuinely friendly smile and her brown hair, Kelly fit in with the low key lifestyle Grahamstown had to offer.

Muller was born in Pietermaritzburg and grew up in Bedfordview in Johannesburg, where she finished high school at St Andrew’s School for Girls in 2009.  She lived with her mother and her soon to be step-father. She was an only child between her parents however she did have two older step brothers and a younger half-sister.

During her time in Grahamstown she was a voice over artist for audio books at the South African Library for the blind. Kelly was studying Journalism and Media Studies, Chinese, Sound Technology and Art History had had plans to major in Chinese and Journalism and Media Studies. She had hoped to further her career through Chinese as a translator or through Journalism and Media studies, a subject she had hoped to specialise in TV or Radio.

Although not much of a member of the partying student culture, the self-proclaimed introvert had preferred to be with her small group of friends at someone’s digs, as opposed to hitting Grahamstown’s various student filled pubs and bars. While she seemed fairly reserved, she did voice her opinions out on what seemed to be a rather entertaining blog called kellywellyjellybelly on blogger.com. 

Gone too soon, she had been able to travel all over the world, and had grown comfortable in herself. She surely will be sorely missed by those who knew her.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, my death somehow involved bananas. Bloody bananas, I knew I hated them for a reason...

Beam me up, Captain America

Chris Evans in tights YET again! Bigger than ever before - what a gift to the big screen. Okay, both of the movies were really good; actually they were BRILLIANT. I watched the Avengers with a friend a couple of weeks ago and it was hilarious. The scene with the Hulk flinging Loki around was great, I got the giggles for ages - I still laugh every time I think about it.

I also watched Captain America the other day, although I probably should have watched them the other way around. I actually got pretty emotional towards the end (SPOILER ALERT) and I even cried when he's flying the plane into the ground; and yet AGAIN at the end. "I had a date." DEAR GOD, I just wailed - it was ridiculous. I'm pretty sure my neighbour thinks I'm a complete freak. Just an FYI, I never cry - except in the Lion King; but honestly,if you don't cry when Mufasa dies? You have no soul.

After the two movies, I was still in Chris-Evans-fever mode and also bored. What does one do when bored? Why one goes onto sites such as Youtube, of course! Well, then I howled for a different reason altogether - in one interview Chris Evans and Hemsworth are waiting for it to start while this woman is giving her little intro speech; and what does she say to get them started?

"Hi, I'm Carly Steel for Epix news and it's a battle of the biceps as Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth reprise their roles as Captain America and Thor in The Avengers. Has there been anything you would like to avenge in your real life?
Evans: I got dumped at my senior prom." 

Um, I'm sorry what? Before we get into the fact that whoever broke up with Chris Evans probably regrets that decision just a tad; can we go back that neat little phrase. Battle of the biceps? Really? Please do yourselves a favour and watch the expression on their faces when she says it, Hemsworth literally facepalms:

It was great though, they did a great job in pairing those two together, they're both funny and they have a good dynamic going on. Even when it came out that Hemsworth had been on Australia's Dancing with the Stars (and didn't that just set off the howls of laughter again - my neighbour might not be living next to me anymore), Evans was just like, "Actually that wasn't too bad." Far too nice, that blue satin shirt alone is enough ammo for AT LEAST a good few months.

What a great bunch of people those Avengers actors are; that must have been an awesome film to work on. I'm not just saying that because of the aforementioned biceps either - although those make things quite nice and easy on the eye. I do prefer Chris Evans in Fantastic Four though; the rangier build and short, dark hair suit him better. So basically the looks of Fantastic Four, but still as Captain America. Yes, I KNOW it wouldn't work, but it's MY dream - bugger off. Chris Evans, if by some slim chance you read this, don't hate to much on this glorious author's ridiculous ramblings - you've got the muscle, prepare to be ogled. Ah yes, sexism at its most hypocritical - love it! And on that note, I give you Chris Evans' soft side; one that loves jelly beans and the Goonies. Oh, and did you know he's a Buddhist? Interesting...

I try really hard to be cool. Emphasis on the 'try'

Okay, so along with the hipster influence virus (yes, I do realise that spells HIV - how naughty of me) going around these days, I'm feeling way too much pressure. Peer pressure - the social STD. All the faux *cough lenseless* ray bans, the expensive, strategically torn jeans and the too large tank tops showing off that little hint of bra. Okay, I'm sounding spiteful, that's just my jealousy talking - all I wanna do is be one of the cool kids.

I'm not fashionable though - at best I'm a copy-cat. I like to think it's because I'm too much of an Everyman. Quick aside: If you don't know to what I'm referring when I say 'Everyman', go get some culture you heathen beast. <---see peer pressure, I just gotcha!

Getting back on track though. I feel like I have to try hard to be cool. And random. It honestly doesn't come naturally - I bet you didn't know that one. Being completely random in an ironic yet funny way is really hard, and I do try, but it's just sooooo much work damnit. The self-deprecating though, now that's a big ball of fun.

See...Even in this blog post, all I've done is be random about being random to get your attention and make you like me. Dear God please like me. You know all I want is your approval. And a couple hundred Facebook likes. And money. Actually, just money - you can just give me lots of money.

I was going to go about the attention-seeking another way though. I used to daydream about being an actress. I even took Drama to Matric. Then I realised how much effort it takes to be a 'Thespian' rather than merely just an uncultured fool in tights on a stage. I got over the effort. Definitely did not get over being the centre (okay FINE, slightly off-off centre) of attention.

I also got over the admin of sticking - and excelling in - one sport or hobby. In my long illustrious life, I have participated in no less than 50. This includes (but is not restricted to) hockey, diving, gymnastics, ballet, tapdancing, kickboxing, athletics, chess (dear GOD I was bad at that) art (now THAT I kick ass at) and many many more.

These days, I just give in and realise that my talents lie elsewhere. Namely watching my flavour-of-the-week series, eat constantly student-style (i.e. lots of fat, carbs and general crap), pick up some uni work, put it down again, and finally after a long internal debate ending in a resounding "Screw it" - order Nandos.

So basically I've just wasted 10 minutes (depending on your reading speed - you should really work on that) of your life that you will NEVER get back telling you that I'm uncool, unmotivated, uncomplicated, undedicated (I just made that a word, shut up) and lazy. Whatta day for revelations. You must be so proud Mom.

Love and peace my oh-so-(sometimes)-faithful peeps.
Comment on this post or die. I've been watching horrors this month so I have new torture techniques!
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